Legend:

Ship’s Captain - The V.P. for a certain local organization. Slave Master - Works for the Ship’s Captain. Has the ability to send shivers down the spines of most slaves and turn her Pacers into docile puppies. Pacer - Works for the Slave Master, mostly by pretending to control the Slaves and licking the Slave Master’s feet with their bifurcated tongues. Slaves - Bottom dwellers at said “ship.” Spend their days avoiding the “ship’s staff” and minding other Slaves' business. Rowing (both hands) - Equivalent of doing some type of work. Rowing (one hand)- Doing less work while using other hand for other business; usually talking on the cell phone. Galleys - Outside of your work area. Chatting - Talking about non-work related subjects. Land of the Rum - A place in the Caribbean sea. Slashing - Type of work that would insult the brain of an amoeba… oh wait… Amoebas don’t even have brains… Amoeba - Our ship’s DBAs.

Story:

[Slave]: sure! [Slave Master]: … and I just wanted to talk to you about something… [Slave Master]: It has been brought to my attention by the Ship’s Captain that you’ve been seen rowing with one hand a few times down in the galleys… Also, he’s seen you chatting with the slave from the Land of the Rum a couple of times. [Slave]: … uh… ok… [Slave Master]: I need to ask you: Are we giving you enough rowing or do you need some slashing to keep you motivated? [Slave]: No, no… My rowing routine is just fine… and… [Slave Master]: … you see, since you’re not a fulltime rower at our ship, you’re supposed to row all the time… All biological functions or personal needs should be withheld until designated times, as defined by your pacer… Preferably, when the ship is not moving and the sun has gone down… Fulltime rowers, however, are exempt from the above rules and can pretty much function as normal human beings. [Slave]: …. I want to thank you for reminding me so kindly of my position in this ship’s social ladder. I will hold our conversation very close to my heart and as a sign of my gratitude I’d like to request some more slashes with the spiked whip?

Beautiful way to start your Friday!