Finding My Feet Again
Photo by Japheth Mast on Unsplash
Dear reader and friends,
It’s been a chaotic last three days at work, the kind where I can barely find time to breathe or do anything personal beyond being with my family. Work has consumed every single minute, and I’ve faced challenges that pushed me to the brink more than once. I’d be lying if I said the easier route — throwing in the towel — didn’t cross my mind. The comfort of giving up can be surprisingly tempting. There were moments when I had to talk myself off the ledge, reminding myself not to stop caring, not to disconnect, not to shut down.
Thankfully, I managed to find the strength and clarity I needed to dig myself out of the hole I felt trapped in.
It’s strange to sit here at the end of a Thursday, looking back, and realize once again that it was all worth the trouble — that I’ve learned a ton, grown a little, and come out the other side standing. Funny how it’s often when your back is against the wall and everything points toward your downfall that you suddenly find the resolve to move forward.
If you had asked me last night, or even early this morning, how things were looking, I wouldn’t have been able to speak with the conviction I feel now. But knowing what awaited me today — the tough decisions, the crucial conversations, the responsibility of providing leadership and reassurance to people who needed it — something clicked. I found the light, however faint, and I followed it.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ … You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Today I faced not one, not two, but three major conversations — plus a handful of smaller ones on the side. And somehow, I made it through. Today was a tough day. Two songs come to mind when I think about how I feel right now.
One is from Hamilton : “I am not throwing away my shot.” After everything I’ve done in my life and career, I’m certainly not starting now.
The other is from Dr. Dre — the line about rising to his feet even when he was close to defeat. That one always makes me smile, but it doubles as a rallying cry.
So here we are: November 13th, at the end of the day. Many of the things that had been giving me anxiety and stealing my sleep finally feel a little less tangled. The fight isn’t over — tomorrow brings its own challenges — but tonight, I can say it’s been a good day. It’s been a hard stretch, but today reminded me that even when things bend, I don’t break — I rise.