When the Armor Slips

Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash

Yesterday, I wrote about how my day began with the very difficult task of letting someone go. Even though that meeting lasted only fifteen minutes, it took a lot out of me. Little did I know, that was just the beginning of what turned into a chaotic day filled with multitasking, back-to-back calls (both scheduled and ad hoc), and trying to balance competing priorities and distractions from morning to night.

By the time I finally walked away from my computer, it was 7:30 in the evening. I’d had barely fifteen minutes for lunch and had spent the entire day juggling tasks. Worst of all, I had an unpleasant interaction with one of my peers. There were no raised voices or insults — I can say that with confidence — but it was my reaction that disappointed me. The request for help came through Slack, and by the time it reached me, I simply wasn’t in the right headspace to respond well.

I’ve been in this position before and usually know how to handle it, but yesterday, the frustration caught up with me. Between the emotional toll of the morning, the nonstop pace of the past few weeks (including two weekends of voluntary work), and the pressure of ongoing deadlines, I just wasn’t my best self.

By the end of the day, the weight of it all lingered with me. So today, I took the opportunity to make things right. During a call with all my peers and fellow managers — our regular team sync — I used the moment to publicly apologize. I told them I’d been cranky lately and that it had shown. I admitted I hadn’t been bringing my best self to work, and that realization had been bothering me.

Here’s what I said to my peers during the call today:

I want to start by apologizing to everyone on this call. I’ve been cranky lately, and I know it’s shown in some of our meetings. I don’t think I’ve brought my best self to work over the past couple of weeks. There are a variety of reasons for that, but the biggest one is that my team has been running at full speed since June. It’s been nonstop. I’ve been overprotective of their time, and frankly, it’s taken a toll on all of us. So, I just want to say I’m sorry.

I also know that some of my peers have reached out for help recently. It just so happens that a lot of the AI knowledge sits within my team, so naturally, people have been coming to us for assistance. [Peer] , I want to apologize to you specifically — the other day on Slack, I wasn’t at my best, and I want you to know it wasn’t personal. There’s just been a lot going on.

I’ve been trying to hold everything together and keep things moving — projects, people, expectations — but I realize I’ve been doing it while carrying more stress than I’ve allowed myself to admit. That’s on me. I know that how I show up affects how others show up too, and lately, I haven’t set the right example.

So again, I want to apologize. I’m going to take a step back, reset, and find a healthier pace for myself and my team. We’re all human, and I’m no exception. I’ll do my best to show up better — for my team, my peers, and for myself.

I didn’t make excuses; I just wanted to be transparent. The response I received was overwhelmingly supportive — both during and after the call. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. There’s still a lot of pressure, and I’m still working late (it’s past six as I write this), but I feel lighter knowing I owned up to my actions.

Leadership isn’t just about making the hard calls or driving results — it’s also about knowing when you’ve fallen short and having the courage to own it. Yesterday reminded me that vulnerability doesn’t diminish authority; it deepens trust. Today, after saying what needed to be said, I feel lighter, steadier, and a little more human — which, in the end, is what I hope my team sees in me too.