A few days ago, I encountered a note with a simple message: “Don’t give a lecture to someone who needs a hug.”
This simple phrase resonated deeply with me and sparked reflection on how I communicate with the people I care about most.
The Power of Listening
Often, people don’t want solutions when they’re upset; they want to be heard. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way through experiences with my daughters and in my marriage. When someone is struggling, my instinct is to jump in with advice, to fix the problem. But I’ve discovered that rushing to give advice often backfires.
The real gift we can give someone in distress isn’t always a solution—it’s our presence and attention.
A Simple Question, A Powerful Tool
I’ve started asking myself a simple question when someone shares their struggles with me: “Do you need advice right now, or do you just need someone to listen?”
This pause—this moment of reflection before responding—has become what I consider a “superpower.” It allows for more thoughtful, empathetic responses. Instead of launching into problem-solving mode, I can be present with the person and their emotions.
I humorously imagine a Halloween costume for this superpower: “The Super Contemplator” with a thoughtful emoji as my emblem.
The Core Message
The lesson is simple but profound: When someone shares their burden with you, take a moment to determine whether they need a lecture or just a comforting hug. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is simply be there, listen, and offer our empathy rather than our expertise.
Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash